It All Started With a Yes
by LoudAutomata16
Summary: Clyde's head-over-heels in love with Haiku, and one day musters the courage to act on his feelings, leading to a long series of ups-and-downs for the two.


When Clyde and Haiku first met each other, it was a thing of circumstance. Lincoln's sisters had screwed up as they usually did, and Lincoln was left with four dates to run back and forth between. Five, if Ronnie Anne was to be counted. So when Clyde and Haiku danced together, giving each other soft smiles, they both knew it was just a matter of coincidence.

The next time they met up, it wasn't coincidence. It was deliberate.

Clyde's feelings of infatuation for her didn't leave him that night. Instead, they lingered, keeping the nerdy boy up at night as images of Haiku flashed before his eyes. He saw himself holding hands with her, kissing her, doing… things to her that left his pajamas wet and soiled in the morning. He was nervous, understandably so, but he was also determined not to chase her off like he did with other crushes. But one day, when he saw her at in the hallway, primal instinct took over and before he knew it, he found himself at her side.

"Heeeeey, Haiku," Clyde said as he slammed his elbow into the locker next to hers. He propped himself up that way, keeping his fist pressed to his cheek, but his awkward angle caused him to slide and fall to the ground. "Ow, ow, ow," he repeated as he got up, hoping that his nose wasn't bleeding.

"Oh… hello, Clyde," said Haiku in her cool tone. Her single eye was wide with concern. "Are you alright?"

"No, I'm not," he said with a brave front. "But I do know one thing that'll make me feel better… you joining me over the weekend for a d-"

"A date?"

Judging from her tone, she didn't seem too inclined towards the idea.

"Nononononono." He waved his hands frantically. "Not a date. Um… just an outing. Between friends. That's what we are right? I hope so, right?!"

The poor boy was spiraling fast. He could feel nervous sweats forming on his face and back. His whole body shivered and quaked.

Oddly enough, the sullen girl didn't regard his obvious nervousness with disgust or malice. She smiled softly instead.

"Yes, I do believe we are friends, Clyde. And that's why I'll join you. Even if that cut into my time of worship..."

"Oh, are you religious?"

"I pray at the altar of the Vampire Lord every night before I sleep, in the hopes that one night I shall find myself awake and alert in the hands of the Dracul."

"O-Oh..."

Her soft smile turned impish. "I'm kidding. I'll see you Friday night."

She turned around elegantly, her long dress swaying with her. Clyde watched her as she left. Her thin frame seemingly glided across the floor rather than stepping on it, as if she were too pure to bless the ground with her steps. Or maybe too infernal to touch the sacred earth. It didn't matter either way to Clyde. He was too busy hyperventilating as the stress and nervousness finally caught up to his frail nerves.

One thing kept him happy though: Haiku was going on a date with him!

* * *

Clyde had never been on a date before, so he took all his tips from the internet. He wore a traditional suit, with a black jacket and a blacker tie. He reached for a bottle of perfume and sniffed it. He then shook it in his hand, and watched as the golden liquid splashed around inside the clear container. The website told him he needed to spritz himself, but as he figured, "Hey, if one or two spritzes is good, then it should be okay to put on way more!"

When he finally stepped out of his room, he had sprayed every inch of his body with perfume.

He smelled like a skunk with diarrhea.

His dads drove him down to the date site, which was a cemetery. It was, of course, Haiku's insistence that they conduct their date there. Howard and Harold didn't like the idea of Clyde going down to a graveyard ("What if there are _zombies?_" "Don't be ridiculous, Howie. There are no such things as zombies… ghost though...") but who were they to stand in the way of their son's love life?

"Now, Clyde, if anything happens, you know who to call, right?" Harold asked as Clyde hopped out of their car.

"I can call you two, 911, Dr. Lopez, Lincoln, the FBI, or the senator," Clyde listed off. His parents nodded their approval, wished him good luck with his little girlfriend, and drove off. And it was only when they left Clyde alone that he finally realized how _terrifying _the graveyard was at night. A scruffy cat stared at him with evil eyes from atop a wall; the tree branches that hung over his head were gnarled and crooked; the new moon gave off little light and, in turn, made his surroundings almost completely dark…

And then something tapped his shoulder.

"GAAH!" he screamed, leaping twenty feet into the air.

Haiku took a startled step back. "Clyde! What's wrong with you? You frightened me."

"I frightened you? _You_ scared _me_!"

Haiku scanned Clyde from head to toe, raising her eyebrow at his odd wardrobe choices. He was dressed for a regal English ball. In contrast, Haiku's clothes were more casual. A solid black dress with only a reddish felt tied around her waist, a short black shirt that left her pale stomach exposed, and fishnet wrapped around her hands. "You really overdressed for this," she commented.

Then she sniffed him. Her nose crinkled. "And you _smell_."

"I… I'm sorry," Clyde said, hanging his head in shame.

"Don't be," she said, surprisingly. He looked back up to meet her gaze, and noticed that her face was lit with excitement. "You dressed in an old-fashioned suit and smelling strongly… it's as if you're a reanimated cadaver, buried years ago, come back from the grave to accompany me, spraying yourself in the finest perfumes of the Near East to cover up the stench of your corpse."

Clyde didn't know whether to be insulted or relieved. "Th-thanks, I guess."

She grabbed his hand, and began to drag him with her. "Come, Clyde, let me show you my favorite spot to sit."

She took him to a small hill where a leafless tree grew. Normally, Clyde would be scared to go near the deathly vegetation, but the feeling of Haiku's soft hand wrapped around his drove him forward. They sat at the foot of the tree, and looked at all the gravestones below them, bathed in what little moonlight the waning crescent could muster.

"This is your favorite spot? I can see why," murmured Clyde.

He looked back at her, and saw that she was sitting with her knees high, and her head pressed against them. Her hands hugged her legs, and the expression on her face wasn't her usual coldness and apathy. Instead, it was an affectionate smile accompanied by half-lidded eyes… er, eye. It was… cute.

"Aren't you going to look at the graveyard?"

She shook her head. "I've looked upon those stones many, many times," she explained. "I think I prefer what I'm seeing right now~"

He blushed, and she swept in to cool his cheek by kissing it. Then she lay her head on his shoulders and stared at the field with him. The boy was petrified like a statue, unable to move from the sheer shock of his present situation.

Her lone hairs felt nice when they ticked his face, though.

* * *

Clyde and Haiku dated happily through elementary and middle school. Clyde's friend congratulated him on scoring with such a fine catch, and Clyde humbly accepted their praise. Of course, the boys had made a fatally wrong assumption about Clyde and Haiku's relationship; that it was steady. The truth was pretty much the opposite. While the two did have a deep attraction to each other, and would come around to loving and accepting each other's eccentricities, there was the unavoidable clash of personalities to come.

Clyde was a very by-the-books person. He was a proud teacher's pet, was far more respectful to authority figures than any boy his age should be, and rarely felt an urge to break the rules. And when he did, he quickly handed himself over for punishment. Like a biiiiiiiiitch.

Haiku was the opposite. She had built her identity around the ideals of being goth, and that meant to embrace the taboo and forbidden, and stick it to the man whenever possible ("the man" here meaning her middle class upbringing). The best example of this was when one day Ms. DiMartino handed her some nail polish remover to get rid of her black nail polish. Haiku responded to the substitute teacher's gift by showing her two painted middle fingers.

That's when the break-up came.

"It's my fault," Clyde bemoaned to Lincoln at the Burpin' Burger. "I shouldn't have told her Ms. DiMartino was right for giving her in-school suspension."

"I'd take in-school suspension if Ms. Di was the one supervising~" sighed Lincoln with hearts in his eyes.

"Lincoln!"

"Sorry, what? Oh yeah, right, the break-up. Yeah, that was pretty rough. She screamed at you in front of the rest of the high school. That must've been embarrassing."

"It was. Now I just want to know how to get her back."

A waiter arrived with their food, placing two burgers, two plates of onion rings, and a large soda on their table. Lincoln took his soda and started noisily slurping from the long straw. "Easy," he said, reaching for an onion ring and stuffing it in his mouth. "Just tell her you're sorry and that the teacher is a dictator."

"I would, but… I don't believe that!" Clyde exclaimed. "It's school policy. She chose to come to our school, and so she should obey the rules. It's the social contract. You can't break the contract!"

Lincoln lifted an eyebrow. "Clyde, buddy, you really need to stop taking the school handbook so seriously."

"I can't help it. I'm Lawful Good."

The term "Lawful Good" was a term that was popularized by the famous _Dungeons & Dragons _line of tabletop gaming. A person deemed lawfully good was the type of person who believed that obeying the rules was the only true path to being a good person. It was one of the many nerd-isms that littered Lincoln and Clyde's conversations.

The towheaded boy crunched on a pickle as he thought about how to respond. "Listen, Clyde, I get that. But if you want to be with Haiku, then you've got to change your worldview. Here, let me help. Let's say... hmm... let's say you have a scenario where a boy needs to get medicine for a painful disease, but he doesn't have insurance. Let's say you have the chance to give him that medicine by forging documents and lying to the insurance companies and doctors. Would you do it?"

"No, I can't lie on official paperwork… or, wait, the boy needs the medicine, so yes… actually, now that I think about it… uh… uh..."

Clyde's nose started to bleed, and Lincoln realized that he may have overloaded his friend's brain.

"Okay, okay, forget about that. The point is, Clyde, if you want to be with Haiku, you're going to have to change for her. Break some rules, you know?"

Clyde bit down on his lower lip. Lincoln was right. He made sure to thank him before he grabbed his burger, chomped down on it a few times, and rushed out of the restaurant. He didn't have time to waste hanging out with friends. He had a girl to apologize to.

But as he was running, his pace slowed as he noticed a little toy shop to his right. The toys themselves didn't interest him, but one thing that caught his eye was a stuffed rabbit hanging from the ceiling. His eyes lit up, and he knew he had to have it.

When he knocked on Haiku's door, he kept the stuffed rabbit in his hands. When Haiku answered the door, the first thing he did was offer it up to her. "I'm sorry," he said in a low voice. "I never should've taken the teacher's side."

Haiku looked down on the rabbit, unimpressed. "I thought you'd know me well enough to know I hate cute bunny rabbits," she scowled.

"It's not a cute bunny rabbit, though," said Clyde with a little grin. "It's one of those man-eating, bloodthirsty rabbits that chase people down and bite through their necks. You know, like in that Monty Python movie."

The corners of her mouth flickered in the direction of a smile, though they stayed neutral. She accepted the terrifying demon rabbit from him, but just before he could turn to leave, he heard someone from inside call, "Emma, who is it?"

"I told you a million times, Mom, my name is Haiku! Haiku!" she screamed back.

An older woman appeared in the doorway. She looked so different than Haiku. Her skin was a much healthier color, and her hair was coffee brown as opposed to her daughter's shade of raven black. It was only then that it occurred to Clyde that Haiku _may _have been dying her hair this whole time.

"Oh, hello. Emma, who is this young man?"

Haiku growled at being called her real name (or as she called it, her slave name) but her mannerisms quickly perked up as she grabbed Clyde's collar and introduced him to her mother.

"This is Clyde. He's my boyfriend," she said confidently.

The killer rabbit was set by the door as Haiku brought Clyde into her home. Her mother marveled at the boy, as if she were shocked that her daughter had found a partner at all. But while Mom was enthralled, the gravelly man in the living room Clyde was brought to was not.

Clyde's introduction to Haiku's dad was watching him clean out his shotgun with a blood-stained napkin (_D-Doesn't that defeat the point?_ Clyde nervously thought). He looked up from his rifle to squint at Clyde. He then looked over to his daughter, and finally to the union of her hand with his hand, like yin and yang.

His nostrils flared.

"So… Em's finally brought home a boyfriend, eh?" he said.

"Now, now, Ben, be nice," his wife cheerfully reprimanded.

"Oh, I'll be nice to him," he said, playing with the safety of his firearm, "if he promises he'll be nice for me. Would you like to be nice for me?" he asked, addressing Clyde now.

Part of Clyde wondered if Ben didn't like him because he was black. Another part of him suspected that wasn't the case. He could've white or Latino or fucking Pacific Islander, and that overprotective dad would be toying with his gun all the same.

"Y-Yes, sir. Of course, sir," Clyde stammered.

Haiku's father nodded slowly, not really convinced by his words. He then looked over to his daughter and noticed her glowering at him as angrily as he was at Clyde. "What?" he asked her. "I'm just trying to be a good dad."

"Trying and failing," she replied.

The bald man rolled his eyes, and huffed a defeated sigh. "Alright, alright. I'll keep my cool, as you youngsters say it. Get jiggy with it."

Clyde chuckled at the odd slang. _Maybe Haiku's dad isn't so scary after all._

He flashed Clyde with murderous eyes, and Clyde quickly retracted his last thought.

It was decided then, by Haiku's mother, that the two teens should go out on a date. Clyde and Haiku feebly protested, but eventually gave in. They did need to talk about things and make up, now that the whole "siding with the teachers over your lovely girlfriend" issue had passed. Before Clyde could take his lady out the door, Ben reached over and grabbed Clyde's weak arm.

"I'm warning you now, _Clyde,_" he said his name with the most utmost disgust, "that if you touch my daughter in a way that's too… inappropriate, I'll make sure the next time she goes on one of her little graveyard visits, it'll be to visit your tomb. Understand?"

Clyde nervously nodded. Don't have sex with Haiku was all he was asking. Wasn't that much different than what he had going on anyways...

* * *

The two headed for the park for their date, and they had scarcely entered through the gates when Haiku pounced on Clyde and pulled him into the nearest bathroom. She locked the door behind her, and looked at him with lustful eyes.

"Haiku, what are we doing in here?"

"Isn't it obvious, Clyde?" she cooed. "You're going to take my maidenhead."

"Wh-what? Now? Here? But… but I thought we were going to talk about our problems..."

"Make-up sex is better than talk."

"But what about your dad?" Clyde asked in a fearful voice. "If he ever finds out, he's going to cut off my rear end and mount it on his wall!"

"He won't find out. Please, Clyde. I've been burning with so much _fire _lately, and you're the only one who can put it out. Besides, you can't really tell me that you don't want..."

She raised her dress, and Clyde gulped.

"..._this._"

What she was referring to was the valley between her legs. Nestled between her pale, milky inner thighs was her sex, shimmering from the leaking fluids. She wasn't wearing panties, so Clyde's eyes widened as he adored her neatly trimmed cunt with his bespectacled eyes.

Lincoln's words came back to him.

"_...if you want to be with Haiku, you're going to have to change for her. Break some rules, you know? Also, I've been downvoting all your pics on the booru. No regrets!" _

Now was his chance to break some rules. And he wanted to take it. And by take it, he meant take _her._

His dick tingled as he pulled it out, and Haiku's eyes widened. She didn't want to sound like a racist, but what she had heard about black dicks… whew…

She took it in her hand, and he groaned at the feeling of someone else touching it for once. She pumped him once, then twice, then squeezed as much pre-cum out of his tube as she could. She coated his dick with his own juices, then pointed it at her cunt. "Here goes..."

They both moaned as his thick black cock penetrated her vagina. The walls inside were throbbing and pink, begging to be made as white as her flesh. She waved her hair and bounced on his member, panting slightly. It seemed more like an erotic dance than sex, given the way she threw herself about. Still, it didn't matter to Clyde - his dick was pleased either way. He could feel her walls getting stretched apart to their limits by his girth, and drips of Haiku's fluids trailed down his penis.

"Haiku," he breathed her name softly.

His hips began to rock for her. His dick began to stab her. She cried out and hugged him, pressing his face to her body and moving her hips faster to accommodate his increasing velocity. She felt so tight, it was almost as if Clyde's head was getting squeezed. Well, his other head was literally getting squeezed hehe.

The two went at it like animals. Haiku was pleased to find that, for such a timid boy, Clyde was fierce when it came to love-making. Unfortunately, that ferocity in sex didn't last for too long. Both of them were inexperienced and new to sex, so within minutes they felt their orgasms approaching.

"I'm about to come," they both said to each other.

And just as Clyde did, he pulled out of her. He didn't manage to completely dodge her, though, and within the confined space…

He exploded all over her. Her legs, her stomach, her breasts and even her face were sprayed by Clyde's cum. He groaned with every rope that flew from his dick, and panted as she rubbed her nude body on him. Her breaths were ragged all the same, and once she was done riding her climaxes with him, she fell to the ground, her eyes planted on Clyde's limp dick.

"Well, that was… amazing," he said. "So what's next?"

* * *

A few days later...

"I'M SUCH A SLUT!" she screamed, aiming the gun at her head.

"You're not a slut, you're not a slut!" yelled Clyde back. He grabbed the arm that was holding the gun and shoved it to the side. The weapon fell to the ground, and Haiku collapsed into his arms. She looked up at him, a teary line of mascara trailing from her eye.

"Do you… mean that?"

"When we had sex, it was just us showing our love. Doesn't matter if it's now or later. I love you, Haiku."

She shivered and put her head against his chest. "I love you too, Clyde."

The boy sighed. This was probably the third time he had to talk her out of suicide. And she was a _goth_. He had no idea how people who dated emos kept their partners alive...

* * *

Many years down the line, Clyde decided to finally seal the deal with Haiku. He had scoured the town for the perfect ring. It couldn't be just any old ring. No, it needed to be special. When he finally found it, he grinned. He couldn't wait to see the look on her face.

That night, at the foot of a looming Catholic church, Clyde bent down on his knee and opened a small box in his hand. There was a small ring inside, topped by a fanged bat ornament with a perfect diamond in its maw. When Haiku saw it, she covered her mouth. "_Oh, dear Clyde..._"

He asked the question. She said yes.

She attended the wedding not in a traditional white dress, but in a dress her friend Lucy had colored for her with purple dye. And when she approached the altar, she saw that Clyde wasn't dressed in traditional clothes either. He wore a cape that laced with red. From his stupid grin, she could tell he was trying to give her the vampire wedding she had always wanted.

He was such a dork.

That night, she climbed on their silky bed, her eyes pooling with lust. She stripped of her dress and let her clothes fall to the side. She bent over, and her ass and pussy were exhibited for her husband. And judging from the swelling in his pants, he liked what he saw.

Her fingers ran down her legs to her slit, and her lean digits spread the walls, revealing the wet insides waiting for her man to mount her and fuck her.

"Are you ready, Mr. McBride?"

"Of course, Mrs. McBride."

He unzipped his pants, feeling the cool air circle his hardness. He wrapped his fingers around his manhood, and licked his lips as beads of clear fluid began to appear. Clyde then joined her on the bed, taking his position behind her legs, and slowly burying his length inside her. The tightness overwhelmed him, but he stayed strong, rocking his hips as the sounds of Haiku's moans and the bed's creaking filled the air.

They had two children, and both of them turned out to be just like their mother: always mopey and depressed. Always. Clyde sometimes worried whether it was his fault, but he later realized it was because goths were pretty much always depressed.

Eh, whatever made them happy… or unhappy.

* * *

**In case you couldn't tell from the choppiness of this fic, it was cobbled together from a lot of snippets. Deciding what stayed in and out and where to line-break was extra troublesome. **


End file.
